Coping With Admission Decisions

Back in my early twenties, when I would send out short stories to literary magazines, I received rejections on little slips of paper inside the self-addressed, stamped envelope I had provided for them to either accept or reject my story. Does anyone else see the irony in that? And 90% of the time, I got rejected. If I were lucky, I would get a “nice” rejection which said something like, “While there is much to admire about your story, it wasn’t quite the right fit for our publication. Our process is highly subjective, so don’t give up on finding the right home for your story.”

Every time I got a rejection, I rethought my entire life and beliefs about myself. Would my writing ever find a home? Would I find my purpose? Should I just quit writing? What’s the point? Who am I? Am I a shitty writer? These days, the moments of post-rejection despair only last for a few seconds, and I’ll admit sometimes it helps to call a friend and hear them say, “They are idiots.” Of course, I don’t actually believe the magazine, agent, or editor is an idiot, but it always helps to have someone in your corner when you need to pick yourself up and try again.  And that trying again is a lot like recalibrating. It’s a pause to consider a few different questions: What now? Could I have done anything differently? Can I elevate the quality of my writing even just a little bit? What can I do right now to lick my wound and head back to the land of hope?

Now is the time of year when students and parents anxiously await college admission results, especially for students who applied to highly selective or even moderately competitive colleges. And this year, with so many frightening things happening in our country, the anxiety is amplified. The uncertainty and feelings of hopelessness are palpable.

Since last June, I have supported 48 students with their college application essays, either in full or in part. I have listened to countless stories of their lives and helped them shape, tweak, polish, and recycle those stories for prompt after prompt. I have had to suppress my enthusiasm countless times when a student told me a story that made them smile from ear to ear, which, in turn, made me smile from ear to ear in a way that might be regarded as “too much.” To say the least, I am also invested in my students feeling excited about the results and having their hard work pay off. I want to reach out, give each of my students a hug, and say, "You've got this."

A few of my students have already heard the results from their ED and EA submissions. Some got into their top choice, and some didn’t. As I have done in the face of my own disappointing news, it’s tempting to take it personally, to try to understand why you didn’t get in, to wonder, "what's wrong with me," to question the point of your entire life, to curse the rejectors, and to feel directionless.

Of course, there is always room for improvement, and there might be a quantifiable reason, but often the reason students didn’t get into their top choice has nothing to do with the quality of their application, and it certainly had nothing to do with their quality as a person. It’s often because of something entirely out of the applicant's control, like an institutional priority that made one student a bit more attractive than another.

If you are a parent or a student who is feeling disappointed and rejected, or even a student who is having second thoughts about their ED school, or maybe you're feeling afraid to make the “wrong” choice, I have some insights (Other than the very unhelpful-in-the-moment advice: you’ll feel better in time.)  

There are many right paths

It’s easy to feel like your entire future is a high-stakes puzzle where if you don’t land that one "dream" acceptance, the whole thing falls apart. We’ve been conditioned to think there’s a single golden path—get into X school, land Y internship, and magically become a successful adult. But looking at the 2026 admissions landscape, that’s just not how it works anymore. With schools becoming more unpredictable than ever, sticking to the "one right path" mindset is like trying to drive a car while staring at a map printed off your very large computer from 1997. The truth? Your potential isn't fragile; it doesn't break if you don't go to a specific campus. Whether you're at a massive state school or a small liberal arts college, an easier acceptance school or a highly selective one, the "right path" is actually just the one where you show up, work hard, and keep an open mind. 

Embrace the Mysterious Unfolding

If you’re staring at a "we regret to inform you" letter, a stressful waitlist notification, or just anxious to find out anything, take a breath and remember that this moment is just a scene, not the whole movie. Also, remember that not much is permanent, especially in the college app process. Whether it means applying as a transfer student later on or finding out that your "safety" school is actually where you thrive, your path isn't set in stone today. It’s one of many points in your life when you will be invited to embrace the unknown, the unexpected, the path that isn't fully illuminated. It depends on courage and putting one foot in front of the other. This process is more about your drive than a single gatekeeper's decision, so don't let one "no" convince you that the door is locked forever or that your chances of making a meaningful difference are over.

Don’t Cling to “Shoulds” 

Entertain the idea that what you thought was a good fit might not have been your best fit. We all have blind spots or fixed mindsets, and sometimes, when we are building our list, we cling to what we think is our dream school and ignore everything else.  We cling to some idea of what life “should” look like based on the messages we grew up with, what society tells us, or what our friends are doing. Consider going a direction that is outside the box - for you, and I guarantee you’ll learn some things you never would have if you had kept on the expected path. Consider taking a gap year working on a farm or getting a job while taking general education classes at a community college. Then reapply. Or if you choose to enroll elsewhere, dive in headfirst and be open. Many students discover that their "safety" school offers the exact community, hands-on opportunities, or the right mentor program they didn't know they needed.

No matter what you choose to do in the face of the college results, remember that a rejection is redirection, not a reflection of your potential. It’s a metaphorical tiny slip of paper that means nothing about your worth or your ability to find your purpose and build a good life one step at a time. It’s a tiny slip of paper that can offer a challenge to reimagine, to try again, to not give up on finding a place and a path where your story can unfold in a way that feels a little bit like home.